Corona

This post is inspired by https://serinafaull.blogspot.com/2020/03/covid-19.html 

Overwhelmed.

As Serina said in her post, the coronavirus pandemic isn't strictly relevant to my work on the BAPP course, however in light of everything it cannot be ignored.

I wanted to put my feelings into words. In light of the past few weeks I have found myself feeling incredibly overwhelmed. It has taught me a massive amount about how I cope in unprecedented situations and how much I rely on my identity as an actor everyday.

It turns out my practise relies heavily on everything that we are restricting whilst coronavirus seemingly takes over the world.

Selfishly, I don't want theatres to go dark. I don't want auditions to be cancelled. I don't want my restaurant to be closed. I don't want my festivals to be cancelled. I understand it's necessary but it doesn't feel fair. So many of my hardest working friends are in complete limbo, not knowing when their shows will return, not knowing where their next pay-cheque is coming from. And on a personal level, a world without art is petrifying to me. Especially as a freelancer I like a certain level of control and not knowing when I'll next experience art in it's most immediate form is truly heart-wrenching. 

But I understand why these strict precautions are being taken. So many people can't fight an illness like Covid 19. These people need protecting. And people like my Mum, working incredibly hard day in day out for the NHS, would not cope if we all fell ill at the same time.

The Prime Minister's announcement yesterday hit me like a freight train. It hurt on two levels, yet again, selfishly. By telling people to avoid theatre and hospitality, the two industries that have sustained me since I was 16, but not closing them, puts a massive strain on a certain kind of person. Anyone working in these areas usually lives week to week and will quickly find themselves struggling without the support these jobs give them. Also, what if you can't avoid them? I certainly can't. My restaurant is still open. I am not ill, therefore, can't not work. However working is putting me and anyone I come into contact with, at risk. 

Secondly, I hadn't realised how much I rely on these busy 'mass gatherings' that are being stripped away. As a person I love the buzz of a music gig, the soul cleansing of a festival, the safety net of live theatre. Even the job I've worked on and off since I was a student, is in a busy american themed bar/restaurant. I need noise. And I need people, lots of them. I've discovered that's why I'm an actor. I love working with other people, learning their stories, finding new parts of myself. The world seems a little too quiet and a little too bleak for my liking. In the words of every millenial ''The struggle is real''.

So in a really odd way, I've learnt something incredibly integral about my practise and myself as a person. Until things find their way back to normal, I guess I'll just continue living with gratitude. And know that when the arts are back, they're gonna come back fighting. Whilst everyone is isolating and if a lockdown does eventually come into effect, we are all relying on music, tv, film, books, stories, to keep us sane. 

Let's hope the arts gets the support it deserves when this crazy time is over.

To finish, an incredibly irrelevant picture that makes me feel incredibly happy.

Post Glasto 2015. I'm supposed to be in a bodycon class at drama school.

I'm sat outside my house in Somerset, after spending all night dancing to Lionel Ritchie.

Absolutely no regrets.